Drawn Mochi Volume 5 Chapter 16.2: To The Wide, Wide Land*3

Support the translator on lazytranslations.com

　After Lila said all that in one breath… she suddenly looked a little sullen, embarrassed, and looked at me with a slightly teary look on her face.

“…Just like you found ‘Orin Hulk’.” (Lila)

　…Somehow, I understood.

　The reason why Lila wants to display her painting in the museum.

　I know that many people see my paintings, and sometimes they think things that I don’t want them to think, sometimes they are used in a way that is far from what I wished for… but more than that, I know that I want my paintings to be seen and liked by people who plainly see them and like them. But more than that, there are people who look at my pictures and think why they like them.

　One person out of ten, or even one person out of a hundred or a thousand, even if it is only one person among them, there is someone who finds my painting…That’s why it would be great if as many people as possible could see it.

　Even if there is only one person out of a thousand, if you get ten thousand people together, there might be ten. But if no one sees it, I won’t be able to meet even that one in a thousand.

　In order to meet that one person, I wanted to display my painting in a museum.

“…I wasn’t too happy about the director’s words. I don’t know why, but I understand what he’s saying, and I don’t disagree with it. They like it as a piece of contemporary art, and I understand that it’s an interesting project… But there’s more to it than that. I felt kind of sorry and not happy. What about you, Lila?” (Tougo)

“As I said earlier, we have a common interest. That’s all. I could tell by looking at you that you thought that. It showed on your face.” (Lila)

　Was it obvious? I see. Yep. Maybe I should be a little more careful this time.

“However, the lady from the museum was… she made me very happy.” (Lila)

“Yes. Me too.” (Tougo)

　Hearing Lila say that with an even more proud look on her face made me a little happy. Really. I am the same as Lila.

“…My teacher said, ‘When we are loved and appreciated and our place in the world is firmly established.’ And if we are going to be appreciated anyway, we would want to have a place in people’s hearts.” (Tougo)

　When I told her what Teacher had taught me, Lila looked impressed.

“If someone appreciates your name alone, you won’t have a place in their heart. But if someone sees my painting and appreciates it, if they like it, if my painting finds a place in their heart… I’ll be very happy. I want that kind of recognition.” (Tougo)

“…that seems true. Me too. Maybe.” (Lila)

　Lila smiles, a smile more confident than mine, and it’s almost dazzling.

“…After all, I’m happy when people like what I like. I’m not really happy when people like what I don’t like. That’s why my name is a trial to overcome. I’m not happy or anything if people like my drawings. But if people like my drawings… that makes me really happy!” (Lila)

　…Yep.

　That’s true. Truly, I’m happy.

　It makes me so happy to have a place in someone’s heart.

　…And I want that kind of evaluation. Even if 999 out of 1,000 people only see my name, my incident, and my trial, that’s enough. If one person out of a thousand liked my paintings, that alone would make me happy.

　I don’t care if I have to face 999 disappointments in order to get one evaluation. Even if I do that, I want that kind of recognition. I want it!

　It seems that… I’ve become greedy before I knew it.

“Then it’s decided. Your painting will also be part of the museum’s collection!” (Lila)

“Eh, ah, y-yes…” (Tougo)

　I flinched a little when I saw Lila stand up.

“…wait. What? You’re happy, aren’t you? You’re happy to see it on display, right?” (Lila)

“Yep…” (Tougo)

　I am happy. I extremely happy to hear about the lady at the museum earlier and thinking that someone like that might find my painting, it makes me very happy to hang it in a museum.

　But…

“…Is it okay to be this happy?” (Tougo)

“Of course, it’s okay.” (Lila)

　…I was quite worried about it, but Lila gave me the answer in an instant. Lila is really so easygoing, brand new, and refreshing.

“Still, what’s wrong with it?” (Lila)

“…you mean, wanting to be evaluated?” (Tougo)

　I’m not sure what I’m doing, and I’m starting to lose confidence in myself. But I’m sure there’s a voice in my head, and I keep hearing it reprimanding me, saying, “How shallow,” “You should live more modestly,” “What’s the use of being appreciated for that?”

　…Lila looked intently into my eyes with her indigo eyes. My face is reflected in her Lila eyes.

“…who is it that won’t allow you to be appreciated?” (Lila)

　Who? …umm.

“Someone who is no one. The world, etc.? Also, myself, I guess. And then there’s the sense of justice? A sense of guilt? And then…” (Tougo)

… Well, I get it. I do understand, but it’s hard to explain. It’s a little difficult to explain.

　My chest hurts. My head is blank.

　But… I’m a painter, and I’m in the patronage of the Redgarde family, and yet, the words on the paper I’m facing, pencil in hand, certainly aren’t, and it’s raining, and I’ve been thrown away. They got angry and disappointed.

　At that moment, my breath hitched, I choked, I couldn’t see what was in front of me, and I thought… I was no good.

“Tougo.” (Laolces)

　Laocles suddenly appeared from my side.

　Then, in that fearless face that looked like a plaster statue, he looked at me with a serious gaze.

“There’s no one here who won’t allow you to paint. You don’t need to write ‘Law Degree‘.”

　I was kind of taken aback, and then, with a snap, a lot of things blew out of my head.

“I remembered…” (Tougo)

　I was so surprised that the words came out before I could think about what had been blown out of my head.

“…Because that’s what Teacher said.” (Tougo)

　Laocles said that a little awkwardly and let out a deep sigh.

“It must have been something you admired. Becoming an artist was something you had always dreamed of.” (Laocles)

　…When I was told that, I remembered it.

“Well, that’s fine. To hang your paintings in a museum is to have many people recognize that you are a painter.” (Laocles)

　It reminds me of many things.

　…I have come a long way. When I decided to become the Redgarde family’s painter, I felt like I had come to a completely new place, but I have come even further than that. It feels like that.

　I see. I am a painter. So maybe it’s okay to hang my paintings in a museum… I have to become able to think that it is okay to hang my paintings in an art museum.

　…I am this kind of creature. I’m a creature like this, but I easily get scared, I don’t understand anything easily, and I’m constantly contradicting myself… Even if I fail, even if it’s not what I want, I’m the one who decided to choose this path.

　That’s why my parents don’t matter anymore.

　I want to be “appreciated”.

“…I feel bad for exhibiting paintings in museums. I also feel like I’m not good enough. Also, I don’t want people to see incidents and trials more than my paintings. I’m happy about that. No. I’m not happy even if I’m told that’s an evaluation and I am being praised.” (Tougo)

　I tried to say it out loud one more time to make sure. The world’s greatest plaster statue listens to my words, and even Lila seems a little pleased to hear me say so. Fay is looking a little surprised, and Ms. Croix is smiling… and I’m kind of embarrassed about this.

　It’s embarrassing, but I have to say what I’ve decided. It’s embarrassing though. I’m embarrassed, anxious, and scared, but…

“…But still, if there is even one person who says they like my paintings, I want them to be placed in a place where many people can see them so that we have a chance to meet.” (Tougo)

“I’m going to have my painting placed in the museum. I’ll tell the museum director about it.” (Tougo)

T/N: Go pursue your dreams Tougo! Let your voice grow louder and drown out the other voices in your head. Believe in the people who believe in you so you can learn to believe in yourself.