Drawn Mochi Volume 5 Chapter 1.2: The Mochi Drawn is a Forgery

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“…Well, that’s just the way it is. No matter how much they tell me how they feel, I have no desire to cheat, and I have no desire to fight a battle that will not be duly appreciated.” (Unuki)

“Cheat?” (Tougo)

　I asked, a little startled, and with a bitter look on his face, he began to scrape more salt again.

“Well, that’s right. I’m talking about getting into a race where the winner is already decided. I’d call it marketing, but cheating is cheating. I want to be recognized. …However, I don’t owe them that kind of favor.” (Unuk)

　So that’s how it is. I don’t know what it feels like to want to be valued.

“I do know that I’d rather have a lot of good evaluations than bad ones. It makes me feel good. And more to the point, I don’t want the evaluations I don’t need, but the more evaluations I want, the better.” (Unuki)

　…While listening to Teacher’s words, I was filled with thoughts like, “Wow, that’s great,” and right after that, my thoughts were plastered black, thinking, “I can’t believe I’m thinking that.”’ It’s like my thoughts are being painted over.

“…Tougo? What is wrong?” (Unuki)

　I’m not sure if Teacher sensed my thoughts or not, but he asked me.

　…my thoughts don’t matter much to me. But Teacher seems to like to hear my thoughts. He is an eccentric. I know that.

　So, I decided to take this opportunity to ask.

“Well, I don’t think it’s a good thing to receive first prize or recognition, and I feel like it’s a bad thing to want them.” (Tougo)

　When I start speaking, Teacher nods and looks at me with interest. That’s why I’m easy to talk to.

“I think we shouldn’t want evaluations.” (Tougo)

　Teacher blinked several times when he heard my words.

“Can I ask why you think so?” (Unuki)

　Then he asked me.

“Um… mean? It seems shallow? It kind of feels like that. I can’t really explain why I feel like that.” (Tougo)

　I’m not good at explaining. I’m not a good speaker, and I’m bad at using words to begin with. But Teacher seemed to like to hear what I had to say, so I tried my best to put my thoughts into words.

“I see. That’s quite an interesting and modest sensibility.” (Unuki)

　While saying this, Teacher thought for a moment… And then began to draw something on his notepad.

　What he drew was a triangle. And the triangle is divided into five tiers. In other words, a pyramid with five tiers.

“Okay, Tougo. Have you ever heard of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs?” (Unuki)

“…I’ve heard of it, but I’m unsure.” (Tougo)

　Teacher nodded as I answered, and then began to write the names of the five levels on the pyramid.

“Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs or self-actualization theory is, quite simply, that there are five levels of human desire, and that when the lower level of desire is satisfied, the higher level of desire is born.” (Unuki)

　Teacher wrote “Eat, Sleep,” on the bottom row. And above that, “safety”.

“The bottom row is ‘appetite,’ ‘desire to sleep,’ and the higher row is ‘safety’. And above that is the desire for safety. …Well, in today’s society, it is unlikely that this will not be fulfilled. The great thing is that we modern people are not suddenly attacked by mammoths and killed, and we can eat meat without the dangers of hunting. However, we’re rather insatiable.” (Unuki)

“I agree.”  (Tougo)

　He drew something on the side of his notepad. It was probably a mammoth, but to me it looked like a hairy bun. Oh, the bun has fangs…

“These are the desires of an animal rather than a human being.” (Unuki)

“Yep.” (Tougo)

　I understand that. The desire for life support and safety is just to stay alive.

“…Well, we tend to skip a lot of the steps around here. Mainly about food and sleep, which are supposedly vital and should be our first priority. About such things…” (Unuki)

“Yep.” (Tougo)

　We can skip those areas because we are human. I’m glad we’re human. It’s boring to have to eat instead of drawing.

“But no matter how we try, we’re still human. We are living creatures. Therefore, it is better to build up from the bottom and stabilize ourselves, so that our performance will not be affected. When I don’t get enough sleep, I can’t make anything good.” (Unuki)

“…yes.” (Tougo)

　I kind of think about that.

　After all, we are humans and living creatures. So, when I don’t get enough sleep, I can’t concentrate. My observational skills are also dulled. When I do sketches, I can’t see the shapes of the motifs clearly, and I feel that my sense of composition becomes poor.

“Well, let’s put aside the fact that I think we’re a little weird as living creatures… let’s talk about the pyramid.” (Unuki)

　Teacher seemed to be remembering something he had done when he was sleep-deprived, but he continued with an indescribable smile as if to gently put a lid on it.

“The needs we have as humans are from the top of the ladder that we often fly towards… The first one is the need to belong. That is why we want to belong to a society or a group. That is the need to belong. It is also called the desire for affection. And after that, there is…” (Unuki)

　Teacher said while writing on the third step of the pyramid.

“It’s a desire for love and belonging…” (Unuki)

“…So, recognition, in other words, is something that every human being who belongs and is loved needs.” (Unuki)

　… I have a feeling that the desire for approval is a bad thing. I can’t really explain why.

　I think it’s a bad thing just because it’s commonplace.

“For me, I think that in order to fulfill the fourth step, we need a lot of evaluations. And why do we need to fulfill the fourth step, the top of the pyramid, for self-realization.” (Unuki)

　However, the teacher said so confidently and wrote the word self-actualization on the fifth step of the pyramid.

“Human beings are creatures that chase after endless desires in order to become who they want to be, and since we have particularly gluttonous hearts, we chase after many things. I feel like I’m not chasing two rabbits, I’m chasing about twenty.” (Unuki)

“I see.” (Tougo)

　I want to try all kinds of things. I want to try oil painting and sculpture. There are so many things I am chasing after. Rabbits everywhere.

“But even if we go on an adventure to chase after all kinds of things, we can’t go on an adventure if we don’t have a home. We can only go on an adventure if we have a place to return to. And it is better to have a solid ground to return to. …The ground that I alone can make is like a floating island.” (Unuki)

　Floating island. Yeah. It certainly looks like that.

　…Teacher is out of touch with the world, or rather. He has that kind of atmosphere. He is aloof and elusive, and yet he is not without a core, so I feel at ease with him. But sometimes I feel as if he is floating in the air. Somehow.

“When we are loved and appreciated and our place in the world is firmly established, we are able to self-actualize for the first time. We can go on an adventure to become the person we want to be. A floating island may be nice for a vacation home, but if you want to live well, the foundation should be firm and spacious.” (Unuki)

“…I love floating islands.” (Tougo)

“I see. Well, you’re mostly like floating islands or aquatic plants. So, let’s get along and have two floating islands, floating around and having fun. However, even if we do that, we need a lake for the floating islands to float on. And we still need land to make a lake, Tougo.” (Unuki)

　I really like this floating island, but… I guess this alone won’t cut it. The teacher is like my vacation home, but I really need to have a proper house to live in. I need something to support us. Yep. I know.

　…Then, Teacher suddenly smiles, looking a little sad.

“If the time comes when you want more recognition… then you should be happy. It’s proof that you belong and are loved enough.” (Unuki)

“…that’s right.” (Tougo)

“Oh. That’s right.” (Unuki)

　I’m still not comfortable with trying to get recognition.

　…Is it because I’m not loved that I resist trying to get recognition? If so, do I want love? Well, I guess that’s not a good thing after all.

　But… The time may come when I’ll understand. Yep. Someday, I’m sure.