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The first thing the supervisor told me to do was not to contact Minami and Masaru but to go to the party room to discuss whether or not to contact them.
When I entered the unlocked room with a bang, it was quieter than I expected, and it made me think that maybe they weren’t there.
“Huh? The door is unlocked…” (Jiro)
The atmosphere made me question my own actions, and I went in and tried to tell him that the door was unlocked but couldn’t finish the sentence.
“What’s going on!? Hey!” (Jiro)
“S-Senior!! I’ve been waiting!! I’ve been waiting all day that feels like it was a millennium!!” (Kaido)
“Oh, no, don’t hug me! Don’t hug me, you’re hot and sweaty! What’s with the air!?” (Jiro)
“I don’t know!? Kitamiya has been silently playing with her smartphone ever since she came to this room, and when I try to talk to her, she replies blandly, and all I can do is make a cup of coffee. So, all I could do was make coffee, do some research with her, and then go to the store to get something to eat to cheer her up!” (Kaido)
“No, I haven’t been doing that a lot.” (Karen)
Kitamiya himself probably didn’t mean to act like that.
When I glanced over at Kitamiya, who was sitting on the sofa in the living room while Kaido was wrapped around my waist, she saw Kaido making a fuss and regretted her mistake.
In Kitamiya’s case, she was simply worried about Amelia and was sloppy in her response.
Rather than acting as a member of society, it was not an adult’s response.
“Sorry. I was a little annoyed.” (Karen)
“No, it’s fine, I can understand that you are worried about Amelia.” (Kaido)
Kitamiya bowed her head towards Kaido and apologized, her eyes downcast.
In response, Kaido, perhaps sensing her feelings, accepted the apology by waving his hands from side to side in front of his face, saying that it was fine.
At any rate, the atmosphere in the room has improved, though not as much as usual, so let’s cut to the chase.
I sat down with the three of us at the work desk and told them what the supervisor had said and where Amelia was going.
“…Amy.” (Karen)
“To be honest, it’s pretty bad.” (Jiro)
The two faces turned pale as they heard nothing but good things about the situation.
“If I leave it alone, I’m sure it won’t turn out well.” (Jiro)
And then, unable to give clumsy words of consolation, I honestly spoke about the future development, and Kitamiya jumped from her seat.
“! We have to hurry and help.” (Karen)
“Calm down, it’s true that we have to hurry, but you should not be one who goes without any preparations. You’ll risk Amelia’s life too.” (Jiro)
“Huh?” (Karen)
The situation is bad no matter how you look at it.
I can sense that she feels we are wasting time, but I stop Kitamiya with a hard look, asking why it’s necessary to prepare carefully.
We can choose to wait and see.
However, it was clear from the look on Kitamiya’s face that she would not make that choice.
That is why, if we are going to make a move, we must not neglect to cut down on the uncertainties.
When you are faced with a big decision, you must first be cautious.
“I told you the other day to think carefully before making a choice. I have no intention of retracting this statement. But I understand your desire to help Amelia, even though you may be swayed by your emotions.” (Jiro)
The act of intervening in this war means crossing a line that will change the values of your life.
It is not a game, it is not training, it is a genuine killing field.
It was precisely because I was concerned about whether I should let them jump into this war that I pressed Kitamiya and the others to make a choice.
“I’m not saying don’t follow me, but I’m not going to take you with me if your determination is half-baked.” (Jiro)
I’m not going to ask you to help me because the situation has changed.
Because if I do, I’ll be taking away their options.
“I’ll have Suela help me with the preparations to go over there and I’ll take care of it myself. As of now, it is only me and possibly Himiku who are confirmed to go to the other side. I am sorry, but as Ms. Kitamiya said, we don’t have much time. However, I can prepare quickly. Please contact Minami and Masaru and decide as soon as possible whether you will accompany me or not.” (Jiro)
In order to give them even a little time to think, I asked Suela, Memoria, and Himiku to help with the preparations.
Himiku will be the main force on the ground.
Suela is pregnant, and Memoria cannot come with me because Suela needs her support.
The supervisor has given me permission to arrange the equipment if we are to go out to the battlefield.
The situation is changing every second and time is running out.
I have to move before something happens in the meantime.
I have to do what I can quickly and be ready.
“I!” (Karen)
However, there are some questions that must be asked.
“Ms. Kitamiya, don’t get carried away by your emotions. The situation is more serious than you think.” (Jiro)
I stopped Kitamiya who was about to get up from her seat and immediately announced her participation.
No matter how you look at it, her actions were not rational but based on emotion.
There is no rational judgment there.
“It is impossible to be so opportunistic as to save only Amelia and not harm the others. The resolve I’ve been hearing about for a while now is the resolve to kill the other person. I’m asking you if you are prepared to survive even if it means killing.” (Jiro)
There’s no doubt that she has a strong desire to help Amelia.
Her emotions may be turbulent, but there is no doubt about that.
However, I’m not sure if Kitamiya and Kaido can be sane by letting their emotions get the better of them and killing a being that has feelings and intelligence, even if it’s not a human.
In addition.
“Me, I am prepared to dye my hands in blood. It’s because I want to help Amelia. I made the choice myself.” (Jiro)
From here on out, I have to abandon my morals in some cases, and I confront the fact that there is no limit to the likelihood of that happening and repeating.
I’ve actually cut people.
I was too busy to feel anything at the time, but after it passed, it hit me.
The feeling of having cut someone lingered in my hand even after it was over, filling me with guilt and the question of why I had done it.
It took some time to swallow the fact that I had done it, but at that moment, I had already crossed the line.
A future awaits Kitamiya and the others, where they will experience that feeling.
While there is a part of me that would prefer not to experience that feeling if I could, there is another part of me that thinks it is necessary if I am going to stay with this company in the future.
That is why I add at the end that Amelia should not be confused by the fact that she has to be saved and look at Kitamiya, who does not look away but shows hesitation.
Kaido, naturally, keeps his mouth shut and watches the situation unfold.
With that by his side, he exchanges glances with Kitamiya.
Her eyes are burning with emotion, but from my point of view, they seem unstable.
It’s not wrong to help Amelia, but I don’t want her to use that as an excuse.
If she uses it as an excuse and goes into battle, she will probably only regret it.
If she uses it as an excuse, even if she is able to save Amelia, we will both feel guilty.
“It is a good thing to do something for someone else. But on the other hand, the responsibility is heavier than usual, because you have to take responsibility not only for your own actions but also for others.” (Jiro)
If you choose to do it, the responsibility comes to you.
The karma of having killed the other person will be borne by us, not Amelia.
I chose my words carefully so that they would sound like that, and I opened my mouth, hoping that they would help the two of us make a decision.
“But it’s no small thing to take on someone else’s responsibility. If I kill an enemy to save Amelia, and Amelia doesn’t want you to go that far to save her, then your actions will have been in vain.” (Jiro)
“How could it be in vain?” (Kitamiya)
“It would be.” (Jiro)
The meaning of my action itself is radical, but in peacetime, in the space of the battlefield, the meaning that I saved you will be understood.
I interrupted Kitamiya, who wanted to say that my explanation was a waste, and I continued.
“What you want and what I’m trying to do don’t always match. That’s human emotion. Can you accept Amelia’s feelings? Even if you deny the result, can you tell Amelia not to worry about the blood-soaked actions you did because it was something you did of your own volition?” (Jiro)
I said it.
No, I have to say it.
The only reason I said I would help her was because I was prepared to do that too.
I know how it feels to come to the rescue and then be resented.
But I don’t think it’s right to assume that you can accept everything before you do it.
Of course, I do my best.
I will do my best to avoid killing the enemy as much as possible.
That is why I have to gather as much strength as possible.
“If that’s not possible, I won’t say anything bad about it. Leave it to me this time.” (Jiro)
“So, are you saying I’m not strong enough?” (Karen)
“I’m pushing you. You have to weigh the regret of not going to help versus the regret of helping and being rejected and see which one is better and won’t hurt you.” (Jiro)
But it is not enough to just gather that strength.
I’ve said it many times, but what we’re going to do is go to the battlefield.
It’s no exaggeration to say that this is the final stop of the extraordinary.
“…I know. I know I’m not choosing. I’m letting the momentum carry me, is that not good enough?” (Karen)
“Yes, I’m sorry, but a moment of hesitation can be fatal.” (Jiro)
In the space of the battlefield, what is fatal is stagnation.
Even if Amelia denies it, even if it is impossible for her to accept any situation, we must be prepared to act by doing what is needed and prioritize the achievement of her goals, or I will not be able to take her with me.
We cry, we get angry, we get depressed.
This can be done because you are alive.
At some point, you stop thinking and get stuck.
And that is like giving your neck to the scythe of the Grim Reaper on the battlefield.
We absolutely have to avoid that.
I pushed Kitamiya, who was swaying with half-hearted emotion, away harshly, and I slowly stood up.
“I’m sorry I could only give you a little time.” (Jiro)
“…okay, you’re not leaving today, right?” (Karen)
“Yeah, at least today should be fine.” (Jiro)
“Then I’m going home today. Be sure to let me know when you leave, and even if I don’t go, I can see you off.” (Karen)
“Okay, take your time and think about it. And Kaido, I’m sorry, but please call the others. If possible, have them come over.” (Jiro)
“Hey… Senior.” (Kaido)
“Yeah?” (Jiro)
“Do not overdo it, okay?” (Kaido)
“Idiot, you don’t have the leeway to worry about me because I have someone, I can vent my weaknesses to. Also, you should think about it too.” (Jiro)
“I will.” (Kaido)
What I want now is strength of mind, not power.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to gather my thoughts in such a short amount of time, but after saying a quick goodbye to Kitamiya who was getting ready to go home, I quietly left the party room and headed to Suela.
Note for the Day
I guess sometimes you need to say don’t do it, but it’s not easy to say those words.
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